The Rescuing of Nagato Yuki by Haruhi Suzumiya
by RavenclaWriteRules
Summary: When Nagato is deleted by the Data Overmind and Ryoko Asakura takes her place, Kyon now is forced to team up with Haruhi to retrieve her. Includes; the Chocolate Bar of Transgender Power, why Koizumi gets slapped, and a failed attempt to soften Asakura's heart with fake love notes.
1. The Stranger with Chocolate

I have to say that a lot of strange things have happened here in the SOS Brigade, however among them, this was most likely the strangest one of all. Of course, besides the fact we have an alien, an esper, a time traveler, and a walking talking Deus Ex Machina and crazy adventures between her back. It seems as if normality, reality, logic, and sense decided to go on a vacation without sending us a post card.

One would think that the supernatural life would come with a warning that said "Warning! The supernatural life is highly dangerous, exhaustive, and does not make any sense! There are no visible benefits to it! You will experience all sorts of crazy things you do not want to." Unfortunately, Nagato forgot to say something like that.

Seriously though, Nagato...couldn't you just have told me something like "You will become friends with an emotionally unstable girl who can delete the world, a guy who with a questionable sexuality and motives, your adorable but slightly ineffectual senpai, and watch me prevent you from dying"?

Or something. Ack, either way I look at it, there is no way to condense that into something logical that wouldn't make me think you had been reading too much sci-fi, Nagato. At any rate, thank you very much for saving me from Asakura-san's assassination attempt, I'm very sorry potential organs recipients, you'll just have to wait a little longer. Asahina-san, it's not your fault that you always faint when I need you, but you're adorable enough how you are. Besides, your tea has gotten me through the harder times in life. Haruhi has more or less always restored the world every time she messed it somehow, and as for Koizumi...well, you reap what you sow, pretty boy. Don't think I haven't forgotten the Adventures of Mikuru Asahina too soon, my friend.

Lately, Haruhi has been experiencing another period of extreme boredom and melancholy. One time I even swore I could have caught her humming an anime theme song, and randomly asking Taniguchi what the meaning to life was. Without seizing him or threatening to kick him if he did not comply.

Great job, Haruhi, as always you're giving me a stellar reputation in front of my friends. Next time, why don't you tell him about that time I accidentally walked in on Asahina-san or my hypothetical best friend, Rufus the Pink Unicorn-Pegasus? He'll thank you for that.

Nagato had been reading her sci-fi novels quietly in the corner of the clubroom, sort of like an accessory. If you looked at her for five minutes without blinking until your eyes were red, you might see her flip a page or her eyes move. However, with Nagato, it seems like she moves when you're not looking, so when you open your eyes again she's changed position but she's a statue again. Playing chess with her might be fun, except her opponent would have to close his eyes a lot.

Koizumi had taken to walking around the school aimlessly, telling me he was a bit concerned. I wasn't. Koizumi probably pops one of these on me every time things get too peaceful, because his "Life is Too Peaceful" alarm goes off and suddenly he needs to spread it to me. I swear, if one needed to create an AI copy of Koizumi, it would pretty much just announce every few weeks "Imminent danger regarding Suzumiya Haruhi! Beep! Beep!"

I walked into the clubroom, as was my custom, when all of a sudden I was seized from behind and everything went dark.

Actually, after this much time, nothing really has surprised me. I mean, if I could count how many times random things happened and get paid fifty yen for each one, I could maybe buy a chocolate bar. Not the kind with the caramel and fancy stuff. The plain dark chocolate one nobody else buys because it's not kawaii-ified and this is Japan.

Sitting in front of me was a tired looking boy. He had short brown hair, was around my height, and broke a chocolate bar into half, eating a chunk. I sat up and breathed heavily.

"_Salut_," he said.

"Who are you?" I asked, confused.

"I wish you good luck. Here, a note from your future self, he also wishes you well," he spoke, handing me the chocolate bar.

Great, another strange note. You would think at least one would be a love confession! After all, I go to a club where the ratio of girls to guys is 3:2. Oh, bother. Well, last time I checked I wasn't a narcissist, so this probably isn't one, either. I knew exactly what to do with it; plant in my pocket and shove it to the deepest place until I forgot about it

He coughed, and as a second thought added "Act normal, keep everything under control, and do not let Taniguchi know for the sake of all you hold dear. I'm sorry but I have to leave now."

Then I felt a sudden bite on my shoulder, and I blacked out again.

Asahina-senpai would be so proud of me.

* * *

><p><strong>Hi, Raven here.<strong>

**This is basically a scenario story with all the ideas I want to happen in Haruhi. Genderbending, Haruhi and Kyon teaming up to save Nagato, and Asakura Ryoko being forced to work with Kyon. I think it's going to be fun.**

**Also, if you came over from my old story Another Note: the Kira Murder Case, thanks so much! Sorry for the confusion of a new fandom, don't worry, all you need to watch is the anime and the movie to understand what this is all about. Thanks so much!**

**Okay, if you haven't guessed due to my other stories, this story may not have much "Daisuki, senpai" and "Oh noes, Kyon-kun touched my hand!" and all the blushy blushy trash. So Romance (at last, the badly written kind) isn't really a _strong_ genre, I put it there because lots of people won't give it a chance otherwise and I really want them to appreciate the humor and plotline, but I'm not going to have blushing and holding hands.**

**There _might_ be a hidden ship, though, and I assure you I will allow for relationship development (but mostly Bromance, like with my other story Another Note: the Kira Murder Case). I think the awesome plotline and Kyon's hilarious sarcasm is what makes this story awesomer, though, don't you think?**

**Don't forget to follow, favorite, or review and hate on me! Tell me that I'm a failure Asian because I can't speak Chinese and that my humor is so terrible, you were cured of your laughing fits by reading this. **

**See you!**

**-Raven**


	2. No Gender Changes, Please

Haruhi was walking along the school grounds, looking very bored.

"Life is more interesting as a boy, isn't it?" she asked me.

No, Haruhi. NO SEX CHANGE OPERATIONS. I'm not sure if Nagato can reverse those easily enough-do you hear me yelling at you from inside of my mind? No! Off-limits!

"I don't believe so," was all I could say without yelling _Do not continue this train of thought, Haruhi! I am NOT going to rescue you from the depths of Trans Land! I have ENOUGH without you running around as the weirdest and creepiest male human this school has ever seen! Also, if you do so anyway, you are so NOT allowed to change Asahina-san's clothes forcefully anymore! You also are not allowed to use Asahina-san in ways which you got away with since you were a girl, since those will be major sexual harassment, and you are not allowed to wear your favorite bunny girl uniform _(Seriously don't try this one) _or...do you get what I mean? _

_THE HEADBAND HAS TO GO. _

I know, it's harsh.

"Well, Asahina-san would be afraid of you," I barely managed not to stammer.

Haruhi looked at me and stared out the window, considering this. "I guess I wouldn't be able to dress her up when I wanted to anymore...unless maybe I could get Tsuruya-senpai to for me?"

No, Haruhi, do not spread your extreme lack of empathy for Asahina-san to Tsuruya-senpai, or I seriously will tell Nagato to remove your powers again, and you will be a sweet, tea-loving, subdued normal girl who likes to make chocolate for Valentines' Day. Do you want that? I know neither of us want to!

"Well, boys get to play and girls...we have to observe all these formalities," Haruhi sighed.

"What do you mean? You burn even more calories than me."

"That's not it," Haruhi answered, her brow raised briefly.

She stared out the window and closed her eyes, then opened them again. Sort of like she expected to see a celestial, or Nagato holding a white knight saying "Checkmate" tonelessly. She frowned.

"I had a weird dream once," she said.

"What was it?" I asked.

"Strange," she answered. "You remember the day I came into class with a ponytail?"

"Maybe," I answered. It was a bit uncomfortable. I had to use the good old fashioned modified CPR technique to get us out of the night before that. I still don't think it was a dream, that night. I really think Haruhi created a closed space with a celestial where wewere stuck.

"I..." Haruhi bit her lip pensively. "I woke up screaming."

"Ah..."

Well, thanks for notifying me that I shouldn't become a nurse and save many lives through artificial resuscitation, Haruhi. Thanks for ruining all my dreams of becoming a medical officer.

"Haruhi..."

"Hm?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"What?" she asked again.

"I...forgot," I lied.

She turned towards me and frowned. "Don't say useless things if they have no purpose! It's a waste of words. If you're going to, give me a warning so I can walk away, or just keep them to yourself!"

Ah, now she's back to normal.

"Besides, you didn't ask for permission to speak in the first place!" she added, her face visibly angry.

"I-"

"Keep it to yourself!" she yelled before turning around and storming away. Some of the schoolgirls rushed out of the classroom whispering. I sighed, then just realized it, and took a deep breath.

Uh-oh, Haruhi just had a mood swing and stormed away angrily.

Three...two...one...

"Please come with me," Koizumi, who had not been there before, suddenly was right next to me.

Nailed it.

* * *

><p>"Do you have a Suzumiya Mood Meter?" I asked Koizumi. He chuckled lightly, showing he was not pleased with my snark.<p>

"No," he answered.

"Extrasensory perception, as usual?"

"Paranoia," he answered, with a smile that said _Think of the Endless Eight, my friend_. "Now please recount to me what you and Suzumiya-san were talking about, your love life interests me so."

"I merely tried to discourage her from turning herself into a boy," I answered. Koizumi nodded amicably, smile still pasted there. "Then she got angry because I forgot what I was going to say, and stomped away angrily." Koizumi put a finger to his mouth thoughtfully and said "Ah, is that so? How curious."

He wasn't believing me, huh?

"Koizumi, have you ever considered being a girl?" I asked.

He chuckled lightly again, "I can't say so."

"Could Nagato fix it if Haruhi turned you into one?"

"Nagato-san has many incredible powers," Koizumi answered airily, as if I was the one who had initiated this talk. "As for Suzumiya-san's powers, she seems to have created an open space where there are currently a much larger number of celestials there. Ah, what a lovely view," he walked over the window sill to wipe a smidgen of dust from it. Another message; tell me what happened here before I dangle you out of this window.

"I prevented you from getting a free sex change operation, Koizumi. I apologize if you were considering being a girl. Perhaps out of the kindness of her heart, Nagato can solve this problem," I answered, gritting my teeth.

"Of course, I have always dreamed of becoming a girl so I could adjust to your preferences," Koizumi said with a Koizumi-type smiling straight face.

"Do not make jokes with the same face, seriously..."

"At any rate, did Suzumiya-san bring up the night of the closed space with you two stuck in it?" Koizumi asked.

"No." Technically she brought up the day after it.

"Really now?" Koizumi asked. He smiled at me. "Well, that's great," he said. "No worries, huh? I guess that new closed space is just due to adolescent mood swings."

"Well, Haruhi is a teenage girl, you know how their hormones go up and down. Be glad for this silence before the storm, next thing you know she'll force on some crazy adventure to America or something," I countered his sarcasm. Who knew Koizumi was able to tread onto my territory with his pure pretty boy image? Next thing you know, I'll be smiling constantly like him and Asahina-san will start reading sci-fi books without moving.

"Indeed," Koizumi answered.

Little did I know I should not be afraid for Haruhi, but myself and Nagato.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks to spaceman1997 for following! <strong>

**I'm so nervous that I'm going to mess up and forget finishing touches I have to re-edit later...ah, well. Please read or review! Thanks!**

**-Raven**


	3. Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction

I was so bored that I actually read that note from my future self. Yes, it got that desperate. I can't think of what sort of boredom could have befallen me to do such a stupid and pointless thing.

_Please thank Asahina-san, slap Koizumi, take care of Nagato, watch closer over Haruhi, and slap Koizumi again_.

Well, I suppose I could go and slap Koizumi, the guy who has the power to destroy giants and create miniature suns to fight giant cockroaches, for no reason at all. Yeah, that sounds pretty sensible. Anything else to say, O Highly Revered Future Self? Man, he sounds like an idiot...

_Here is a chocolate bar. Do not offer it to anyone. Treat it as something highly important and dangerous, such as a TPDD._

The TPDD, Asahina-san's time machine, also known as the Temporal Plane Destruction Device. Ah, so what do we have here? The Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction? Really, how discreet, future self.

_It _is_ discreet. You will get looks and a confiscation if you carry around that gun Nagato gave you when Haruhi disappeared from the world, but it's perfectly normal if you're carrying a bar of chocolate in your back pocket_.

Good point. Okay, all I have to do is make sure my little sister doesn't steal it from me.

_And please check your pockets before you do any laundry, got it? Thank you_.

Very well. I took our the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction and yawned.

It seemed pretty ordinary, I guessed.

"That is an ordinary chocolate bar," I heard a monotonous voice behind me and turned around. Nagato was standing at the entrance of the clubroom.

"Oh, hey Nagato," I said. She nodded, her face expressionless as usual. "Do you know what this is for?" I waved it.

She paused before answering "It is an ordinary chocolate bar," then returning to her corner and reading. She seemed as though she thought I was playing a terrible joke. I sighed.

"Actually, it is a nuclear bomb," she finished, "which will explode upon immediate consumption."

I gaped. My future self had handed me such a dangerous object? Was he truly an idiot?

Then I realized it was another of Nagato's jokes, delivered without any change in expression or hints they were jokes.

"Nagato..."

Just then, I heard loud footsteps. Immediately I shoved the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction into my back pocket and tried to look casual. Haruhi burst into the room, grinning from ear to ear. I sighed.

"I have got an awesome idea!" she yelled. Then she noticed it was just Nagato and me. "Hey, Kyon, you weren't doing anything weird with Yuki, right?" she gave me a suspicious glance. I shook my head. No, besides handling nuclear chocolate bar bombs of molecular destruction and reading love confessions from my idiot future self, I don't think so. "Anyway, I have such a great idea, quick, go get Mikuru and Koizumi!"

With that, Haruhi somehow grabbed me by the collar and hauled me out the door.

Somehow, Haruhi managed a ten-minute walk while dragging my extra weight in what seemed about ten seconds. I sighed.

"Quick, grab hold of him!" Haruhi ordered. She ran at Koizumi, then made a sharp turn and started to exit the classroom. I had a half-second to choke on my tie and make an urgent gesture at him. Immediately Koizumi stood up, nodded, and called out "Bathroom Emergency!" then ran after Haruhi and I. Seriously, Koizumi, you really have got to work on your acting. I should have known, the way you kiss up to Haruhi should have tipped me off.

"Mikuruuuu!" Haruhi yelled, dashing into the girls' bathroom while dragging me. Girls screamed and tried to cover up. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"B-but I'm not ready!" Asahina-san yelped. I covered my eyes. Young male human hormones, hold back! Mind, think of other things...

"Ehhh? But we've been waiting for long enough! Look here, Kyon has been waiting for you!" Haruhi whined. Excuse me? Who dragged who in here?

So, Haruhi rushed out of the girls' bathroom with screams of indignation as to girls threw their PE clothes and shoes at me. Koizumi rejoined us and quickly walked back to the classroom.

"Geez! You guys dared to be late!" Haruhi complained. "If you're going to be late, then say so, so I don't have to fetch you! Got it? If you're later than you said you would be, I'll go after you!"

She declared, "Alright, I have a biiig surprise for you guys, so you have to be five minutes late, okay? Otherwise you'll see it and it'll all be for nine!"

Don't you mean 'for naught'?

"We are going to look-" Haruhi paused and grinned, "for espers!"

I couldn't help but look at Koizumi. He nodded and answered, "What a great idea. I have always wanted to meet one since I was a child."

Yes, you idiot, and I suppose Asahina-san's favorite movie is _Back to the Futur_e and Nagato adores _2001: A Space Odyssey_.

"Yes! We are going to find an esper! An esper! Next, we'll go after aliens, and time-travelers, and maybe even a slider!"

Please, no. I don't think I could handle another weirdo.

"A-aliens?" Asahina-san asked nervously.

"Yes, Mikuru! Aliens! Aliens!" Haruhi answered, grinning and hugging her. Asahina-san yelped as Haruhi tickled her. Seriously, Haruhi...if you ever become a boy, you certainly will get some very weird looks. "And when we find him, we'll throw him in the club room and lock him up and feed him black bread and water until he gives us information!"

I made a mental note to teach Koizumi how to pick locks and hire Nagato to transfigure black bread into onigiri.

"Him?" Asahina-san asked nervously.

"Of course it'll be a him! We have two males and three cute girls in this club, why shouldn't we get another male?" Haruhi suggested.

I calculated quickly.

Mention of slider + subconscious desire for a new male club member + desires to become a boy + extreme boredom + desire to find a living breathing esper=

1. Koizumi's identity comes out.

2. We meet a male slider who joins our club.

3. Haruhi becomes a boy with esper or slider powers

4. I become a slider

5. What about that mysterious person I met, with the chocolate bar? This reminds me of what Asahina-san (Big) mentioned, about predetermined events.

6. Koizumi becomes a slider

I gulped. Koizumi was also doing the math and he, being better than I at math, was starting to look a little pale. I would have too if I was him. Especially with the black bread and water thing. Would Haruhi really starve him? Probably. Well, Koizumi, at least she hasn't mentioned anything about Siberia, Alcatraz or Chateau D'Îf yet.

"First, we have to look for strange signs of activity!" Haruhi whispered. "I know, we'll go ask Tsuruya-senpai for help! The more the merrier, right?"

I don't know. Tsuruya-senpai, as a general rule, never interferes or participates in activities with us. Except the Adventures of Mikuru Asahina where she gave Asahina-san sake and allowed for Koizumi to do a stage kiss with Asahina-san in her house (Curse you, Koizumi, I will never forgive you for tainting Asahina-san's innocence!).

But sure, I guess we could make it work somehow.

"But Kyon, don't try anything funny with Tsuruya-senpai, got it?" Haruhi stuck her face at me and sent me her trademark "It's either you or me" glare.

I guess I won't try anything funny, Haruhi, so long as you don't either.

"What do you mean? I never try anything funny! I'm always serious! Right, Mikuru?" Haruhi demanded. Asahina-san made an adorable _eep_ of surprise and nodded quickly, her face flushing. Ah, Asahina-san, you are just too adorable for your own good! Really, it truly is overpowering me!

"So, you guys better be here late by five minutes, and if you're late, I'll write you down in the Doomsday Book! Got it?" Haruhi demanded, her tone meaning business.

"I guess I'll just have to, I don't really have anything to do," Koizumi coolly answered. Haruhi grinned delightedly. Honestly, those two would make the perfect pair, what with Koizumi always saying the right things and Haruhi always getting what she wants from him.

"Well, good!" Haruhi yelled. "It's going to be real, real, real great!" She hollered before running out and slamming the door. "I'll prepare it!"

Well, well, well, she finally stopped locking us in like a cage of rats.

I turned towards Koizumi.

"I think you know what we need to do now," I said.

"I guess so," he answered smiling brightly as usual.

"Let's see...I got enough money to buy about three sandwiches, which we can hide in that nook Haruhi never uses, do you have any guides of lockpicking? Too bad you can't teleport or use your powers outside of closed space...if we just buy you a bag of rice, could you survive?"

"I suppose...it we bought a stove, and asked Asahina-san where she gets her water for the tea..."

"Tea!" Asahina-san squeaked. She immediately ran out of the room. Koizumi and I locked eyes for a moment, then both rushed after her. We followed her until we reached the girls' bathroom.

"..."

Just as Asahina-san entered, a barrage of girls peaked out and stared at us.

"That's the guy who was standing outside of the bathroom!" One pointed at Koizumi.

"There! There's the Peeping Tom!" Some girls pointed at me. I grabbed Koizumi's hand, and hissed "Run!" As we ran back to the club room, we were pelted with shoes, combs, books, socks, sprayed at with deodorant, and yelled at.

_Haruhi, give me your powers!_ I thought desperately, and somehow we made the fifteen minute walk in five seconds.

When we returned, Asahina-san was letting out a sigh of relief and offering Nagato green tea. We sat down, and I gasped for air. Asahina-san gave me tea.

"Thank you so much," I gasped.

"Mhm," Asahina-san smiled. "If I don't make any tea, I don't feel right."

"Alright, Koizumi," I sighed, "can you survive on Asahina-san's tea and rice? I'll try to smeak you some takoyaki or ramen if possible.

"That need...not happen, if we can prevent Suzumiya-san from...discovering anything," Koizumi answered, trying to hide how he was exhausted.

"I know," I said suddenly.

"What?" Koizumi asked.

"It's easy, Koizumi. We can do something without her learning anything."

Koizumi smiled in a way that showed he did not believe me at all, with strawberries and cream on top.

"Listen," I said, "there's a loophole we can take advantage of that fits all the requirements of Haruhi's subconscious desires..."


	4. I Have A Clone

"Alright, guys! Listen up! Just because it's the weekend and we're going to a private mansion doesn't mean we get to relax! If you don't find any espers, there will be a punishment! For all of you!" Haruhi yelled.

Trust us, we will.

"Hey, Koizumi," I asked, "where's Arakawa-san, the butler? I thought he was coming?"

Koizumi made a show of smiling and putting a finger to his lips mysteriously, shaking his head. He had flung the bait, which Haruhi took. She strode up to him and demanded "Well, tell us!" Then, suddenly a grin covered her face. "Or...is it a secret?"

"Bingo," Koizumi sighed with fake defeat. "Now you've got me."

"Ha-ha!" Haruhi yelled. "Tell us!"

She sounds like the kind of person to shake Christmas gift boxes or put them through an X-ray machine.

"Now! Now!" Haruhi yelled.

"We will be playing a game," Koizumi answered nonchalantly.

"Cool! Don't tell me any more!" Haruhi yelled.

Please try to sit still, you're going to bring the plane down!

As usual, Haruhi talked and talked and did not thank Koizumi for lending us his private jet for this adventure. Honestly, I wasn't surprised by this guy. By the time we had arrived, I was tired and was promptly slapped awake by Haruhi.

"Ow! What was that for?" I sighed.

"Well, because you were dozing off, idiot! Right during your Brigade Leader's talk!" Haruhi yelled. "Now pay attention or I'll throw you out of the plane!"

I wouldn't put that past her. "Yes, I'm paying full attention, thank you."

Koizumi made a gesture of brushing dust off his sleeve, confusing me. He tilted his head, and tapped it twice. I closed my eyes.

"So, what are we doing at this island resort, Koizumi?" Haruhi asked.

"Oh, I haven't planned anything besides the hide and-well, I guess we could do just about anything," he answered.

"Hide and seek? That's a children's game!" Haruhi frowned. "What, are we three year-olds?" She turned around and stared at us all; Koizumi, Nagato, Mikuru and I. But her playful grin returned. "Playing a children's game in a secret resort? I like it! Let's do that!" she yelled. "Mikuru, let's put on a different outit for the occasion!" She sized the poor Asahina-san and ran off into the next room, grabbing a mysterious bag of clothes.

"Koizumi," I spoke.

"Hm?" he asked calmly.

I slapped him.

"Sorry."

He fell back, surprised.

"Sorry," I said. "A note from my future self said to slap you." Also, the Adventures of Mikuru Asahina.

"I was merely surprised you had it in you." Koizumi raised an eyebrow, rubbing his cheek. "A note?"

"I know I should have told you earlier, but..." The strange incident with the mysterious girl, Haruhi's moody talks, and the note poured forth. Koizumi's expression grew more worried. "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me immediately?" he asked. "At this rate, we have a high possibility of things not working out..."

"I know," I answered. "I'm sorry."

"Miss Nagato, please analyze the contents of the chocolate bar again," Koizumi requested. I harrumphed. This guy always seems to think he's the leader. "From now on, tell me every new event immediately."

"Understood," I answered, handing over the chocolate bar to Nagato who grasped it with both hands.

Nagato stared at the bar silently. I wondered if she wanted to eat it or something.

"The chocolate bar is completely ordinary," she finished.

"Oh," I answered, surprised. Koizumi did not look convinced, but gave up the cause and ordered me to hide the chocolate bar.

Haruhi returned immediately, conveniently missing out on our conversation, with Asahina-san dressed up in a lolita dressed and her hair into low pigtails, looking so embarrassed she wanted to jump off the plane.

"You look lovely," Koizumi acknowledged Haruhi's excellent choice, as he always does.

"Isn't she adorable? Ahhhh, I just want to have you as my little sister now!" Haruhi grinned and hugged Asahina-san who blushed. Ah, Asahina-san! You, who are usually dressed up in sleazy outfits, now are so adorable and pure in this lolita outfit! Why, you look young enough to be-

"Ehh, Kyon-kun, what are you thinking, hmm? Are you thinking weird stuff again?" Haruhi asked.

"Absolutely not," I answered. Koizumi smiled and Nagato continued to read her sci-fi book as Haruhi beamed and boasted about her excellent sense of fashion. Asahina-san awkwardly stumbled around falling, due to the fact she had stockings, a petticoat, and a rather full skirt.

When we finally arrived, we were greeted by the lovely maid Mori-san.

"Eh? What happened to Arakawa-san?" Haruhi asked. "Is he really hiding?"

Mori-san smiled and answered "Why, he is waiting to be found indeed."

She led us into the private resort, which was incredibly luxurious. Haruhi squinted and pulled out a pair of binoculars to peer around with. She finally led us into a small round room and gave us each a map of the resort.

"Here you go. Feel free to go anywhere, please wear these trackers, and good luck. If you need help, just press on the watches' display, and helicopters will be sent to find you." I stared at Koizumi. He shrugged. Rich brat!

"Alright, let's pick teams now!" Haruhi yelled, giving Mori-san her cue to leave us. She must not have had any ideal choices in mind, because I ended up with her and Nagato, while Koizumi and Mikuru were left together. "I hope something exciting happens! Remember last time how there was a murder mystery plot?" Conceived just so your wishes would not wreak havoc on us! "Maybe there'll be a mysterious sabotager! Ooh, I bet somebody drowned in the pool!" she added. I sighed. "Or maybe there's a ghost that haunts all of the resort's visitors-"

Oh, great. Booby traps. I hope prosthetic legs aren't too expensive nowadays.

* * *

><p>Haruhi had already jumped out at several bushes, insisting that Arakawa-san was hiding in them and wearing camouflage. I was surprised she hadn't whined about the traps we tripped being boring-a few pitfalls, and a bucket of writhing amphibians. Naturally, I got the pitfalls and the bucket, surprisingly, got Nagato. Haruhi laughed at how many twigs and lizards were stuck in our hair and painfully yanked them out for us.<p>

I was getting a bit tired of the pitfall traps and noticed yet another one. Grunting, I slowly tiptoed over it and stepped on a thick branch. Suddenly, I was catapulted three feet into the air, and fell down, with a vague crunching noise.

"Owww..." I grunted.

"Kyon! You idiot! Don't be so stupid, you have to watch out for traps!" Haruhi jumped over the deep pit deftly without triggering the catapult trap. I groaned.

"Jeez! Yuki, Kyon, can't you two take care of yourselves? Boriiing," Haruhi whined.

That's when it happened. Lying on the ground, my head flopped lifelessly onto my shoulder, and I stared blearily into the bush. Two eyes peered at me, and I could see a crouched, barely distinguishable form. It was camouflaged into the green leaves of the bush.

"A-Arakawa-san!" I hollered. "F-found you!"

Then it all happened in a flash. The figure stared at me and its face came closer. Instantly I noticed it was not my face, at all. It was a face that looked exactly like mine. I tensed up.

"Arakawa? Where!" Haruhi yelled. She jumped at the bush. I heard a scream of fear and the person in the bush moved back, but fell over, and Haruhi, howling with glee, fished him out much to his despair. Her face turned pale and went nearly green, then she stared at me then back at the person.

He looked exactly like me, a twin. Nagato's eyes widened as she too stared at him. How had she not noticed his presence?

"K-K-Kyon?" Haruhi gasped. "Ky..."

Just then I heard a loud whirring noise and all the blood ran up to my head, and I couldn't breathe or feel anything. I tried to cry out but there was too much air pressure to do so. I blacked instantly.


	5. Hi, I Tried to Kill You Twice

When I opened my eyes, I was staring at a familiar, not-too-likable face. It grinned at me and I hollered.

"Did you miss me?" a soft, sweet voice asked calmly. It giggled. "I was hoping to meet you again someday."

"No! You shouldn't be here!" I hollered, sweat running down my face already. "As-a-ku-ra...Ryoko..." I gasped.

"Oh, don't say that, Kyon-kun," it giggled again. "Everything has its own place in the universe. So says the Data Overmind."

It swung Its long blue hair and grabbed my hand. I slapped Its hand. Its grin widened. "Come on, Kyon-kun. We need to go back now."

"No! I don't want to! Go away!" I screamed. "You-devil!"

"Come on, we're going to be late, Kyon-kun," Its voice answered sweetly and coolly.

"I refuse! Go away!" I tried to kick It, but It simply sighed.

"Kyon-kun, you're so troublesome," It sighed. "Do you want a candy to calm you?" It asked, and pulled out a familiar serrated knife. I screamed. "Just kidding~" It giggled childishly. "I'm not allowed to kill you."

"You're not?" I raised an eyebrow skeptically.

"Mmh-mh," It shook Its head. "I'm to bring you and your friends safe and sound, back to where you belong, and erase memories."

I feel so much safer, thanks.

"Um, no, and where are we and who was that stranger who looked like me?"

It shrugged. "I dunno," It answered. "I can tell you we're in a closed space."

"So you're an esper now?"

"No, a closed space formed after the sighting incident, and I have my ways," It answered. "But you can trust me, Kyon-kun."

"Don't call me that and don't touch me."

It giggled its sick, sweet giggle. "You can try and prevent me, if you like."

* * *

><p>It looked exactly the same as the last time I had seen it. Long bluish black hair, wide innocent blue eyes, and It looked as innocent as any other schoolgirl.<p>

Wait.

"You're not-"

"Kyon-kun, please don't interrupt me," It answered coolly. "I am busy. If you want to help, please gather them into one spot." It pointed at scattered bodies within the closed spaces. "Bring them all. I have put them to sleep."

I sighed. Might as well. I dragged Koizumi, Mikuru, and Haruhi into one place, cursing at that guy who looked like me in the bush.

"Maybe this is what my future self told me to slap you for," I told an unconscious Koizumi. "At any rate, he sure is grouchy for carrying a grudge about such a trivial thing...though you could lose a few pounds, friend."

It walked towards me.

"Transporting various people is trouble. I'm calling in help."

"Why?" I demanded.

It ignored me. "Please go to sleep," it answered, and before I knew it, its hand was in my face and I had fallen asleep again.

* * *

><p>I woke up in my bed, staring up at the ceiling.<p>

Maybe it had been a dream. Maybe I had a hallucination and fell asleep, and Haruhi had me shipped back to my house. Or maybe it was a vivid dream, created from many adventures with strange and ghastly experiences. All I knew was that I could not fall back asleep.

That was when something occurred to me. I had not seen Nagato among the piled bodies. It was the one escorting me back. I had seen a clone of myself, or maybe...a person from another timeline? That mysterious girl who gave me the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction, and the note from my future self. I reached into my back pocket. I found I was not in my pajamas, but fully clothed. I grinned. Even Nagato would know to check my pockets if she was trying to erase my memory, Ryoko Asakura.

I pulled out the crumpled note from my future self and the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction.

They probably had somehow prevented my memory from being taken away. Just then, my mind flashed to when Nagato handed me back to chocolate bar. Maybe she had put some sort of enhancement on it, sensing some danger. Well, whatever it was, it had prevented me forgetting her. Ingenius.

My future self had said something about eating it only when I needed it. I experimentally bit off a tiny chunk.

Suddenly, the most painful sensation ran through my body as it started to shrink and I could feel my legs starting to seize, then my body went numb and I shut my eyes. Slowly, blood returned to my legs and I could feel them. I sat up and massaged my toes until they warmed up, and noticed something odd. I then stared at myself, wrapped myself in a blanket and walked over to the bathroom mirror.

A high-pitched scream pierced the air.

I ran back to my room as quickly as possible and scrambled madly, looking for the chocolate bar.

"Kyon-kun? Are you okay? That scream was girly! You sounded like you hurt yourself-are you okay?" My little sister's plaintive, sleepy voice called. I scrabbled around in the blankets of my bed, trying to cover up. "Kyon-kun?"

"DON'T COME IN! I WET THE BED!" I screamed. A sheet peeled back, horrifying me, and my little sister stared at me questioningly. I gulped.

"What's wrong?" my sister asked. She tugged and the entire blankets fell off. I swallowed.

"Do-do I look weird?" I asked.

"No," she said, puzzled. "Are you okay? You're tired. Go back to sleep."

"Y-yes, I'm fine, just get out so I can clean the sheets," I sighed. My sister looked at me quizzically.

I decided to re-dub the Chocolate Bar of Molecular Destruction the Chocolate Bar of Transgender Power, and shoved it with the note in to the lowest drawer of the wardrobe of my mom's and sister's clothes they store in my room. No way I was going to sleep with that in my back pocket.

I wonder if I should feed it to Koizumi?


	6. The Good Friend

"Get up Kyon-kun," my little sister was shaking the bed and tugging the coverlet and jumping on top of it. I sighed and dragged myself out. Another morning.

Taniguchi complained about how he didn't have a girlfriend even though we were in the springtime of our youth. I asked him not to use that expression. It sounded wrong on him.

Asakura-san suggested that we do a new class project to help us get higher scores biology. We should take in caterpillars and watch them metamorphosize into butterflies. I wondered what the pupa felt like between becoming a butterfly and being a caterpillar. Uncomfortable, I supposed. She smiled at me and took her seat behind me. I raised an eyebrow, and stretched.

Haruhi sat at the club computer moodily, sketching something, and randomly lectured us on being proper and keeping up a good appearance. Sorry, Haruhi, but if we ever had a good reputation, it's already gone. We're lucky if Taniguchi continues to hang out with me without wearing a paper bag with eye holes on his head.

I didn't eat any lunch, I was too tired and Haruhi was up in my face asking me if we had taken roll call. We never had, so I called out names and Koizumi and Asahina-san answered they were present. Haruhi proceeded to punch me for not caling on her, and I offered her my lunch. She irritably shoveled it into her mouth, sort of like an unhappy stuffing itself on chocolate, and grumpily jiggled the computer mouse some more, deciding to draw Da Vinci's Mona Lisa.

Then I returned home and vaguely remembered I had a chocolate bar hidden somewhere. I reached into the bottom drawer and found a crumpled note and a chocolate bar. My eyes glittered ravenously, and mouth salivating, I grabbed at the shiny wrapper.

Then the memories hit me like a shove in the face. It was sort of like dreaming about being happy that you are seeing an old friend or you finally got Asahina-san to laugh at your incredible charm, then you realize you're really just dreaming. I fell back, and it felt like my heart had been broke. I clutched at my chest, gasping and crying and wincing.

Nagato had been stolen, ripped, taken, grabbed, out of my life.

Granted, we never really were close, but it was suddenly so terrible that something could just reach in and snatch sombody who I knew out of my life, erasing everything of them. It was so terrible that somebody who I knew just yesterday had in a short time been spirited away and forgotten. I crawled on the floor, gasping and groaning, sinking onto the floor in shock.

Suddenly, a part of my speech with Nagato after Haruhi's disappearance echoed in my head.

"_If your boss even tries anything funny, then I'll join up with Haruhi and change the world completely_."

I growled. Slowly I picked myself off the floor and stood up, grunting with effort.

I had a few questions to ask It.

First of all, I had a favor to ask of my little sister.

"Eh? You want me to write you a note? Can't you write it yourself?" She asked.

"No, your handwriting is better, boys have terrible penmanship," I answered. Her eyes lit up, flattered. "Can you write the word "chocolate" for me?"

"Okayyy," she answered, and wrote it in sloppy handwriting. I sighed. "Why do you need it?"

"Oh, I need to remember to buy you some chocolate since you've been waking me up faithfully every morning."

"Yaayyyy! Chocolaaaaate!" My sister pranced away, doing a dance. I took the note and taped it write acros from my bed, so when I woke up I could see it.

* * *

><p>I groaned as my sister woke me up and pranced off to the bathroom without me. I ighed and groggily blinked at the note across from me.<p>

_Chocolate!_ In bad, messy handwriting. My sister's, apparently. I didn't feel in the mood for chocolate, but something in the back of my mind was nagging me. I reached over for the drawers and touched the chocolate bar. A chill ran up my spine as I remembered.

Nagato! My brain yelled at me.

For a second, I stood paralyzed and staring at the chocolate bar, blinking. My little sister's voice called. My mouh moved automatically, but my mind seemed to be frozen with fear that Haruhi, my litle sister, Koizumi, Asahina-san, or just anyone would just vanish like that. The last time I remembered this hollowness, it was when I thouht Haruhi had disappeared.

It was scary, I crawled into a corner. On second thought, I grabed the chocolate bar and the note from my future self, shoving them into my pocket, afraid of forgetting again and feeling that crushing remembrance that my life had lost someone.

I don't want to, I groaned.

But you have to, another voice said. If Nagato's been deleted, it's a bit difficult for her to rescue herself. Besides, you swore to yourself that you wouldn't rely so much on her, that's what made her redo the world.

It was too soon for Nagato to get fed up; all that had happened was hide and seek. Or maybe Haruhi's demands which had to be fulfilled without her knowng anything new had forced her into a corner. But Nagato would never replace herself with _It_. She knew It was too dangerous to be around me, and I would eventually run into trouble, even if she erased my memories. Nagato didn't take risks like that. Certainly not after she revived It in the alternate dimension where I thought I lost Haruhi (yea, Nagato? That wasn't your best idea, or at least, it was a bad mistake).

"Kyon! You're going to be late for school!" My litle sister's shrill scream broke the melancholy silence.

"I'm coming!" I yelled.

After shoveling some breakfast down my throat and hastily waving goodbye, I pedaled faster than I ever have to school.

It was smiling and waving at the rest of the class, looking docile and sweet. I ground my teeth, suddenly realizing that the only person who knew about Nagato was It, and the only person who could take me to insult the Data Overmin and demand for her back was It. As It sat behind me, I felt a heavy weight on my chest as I knew I could not get back Nagato.

This heavy cloud continued above me for a few days, until something new happened.

Koizumi turned towards me during the SOS Brigade headquarters, as I was staring in the corner where the Literature Club had been.

"You look rather sombre," he noted. I looked down and noticed he had lost. "Is something wrong?"

"No..." I noticed a cup of Asahina-san's tea sitting near me, having gone cold long ago.

"Are you sure, K-Kyon-kun?" Asahina-san asked nervously. "W-was the tea bad?"

"Mh," I sighed, and drank the tea, suddenly feeling burdened to be forced to drink.

"Hey! Kyon! You're being a bore!" Haruhi yelled at me, her voice muffled by a rice ball.

"Haruhi."

"What!"

"Your face is covered in rice."

Haruhi glared and wiped her face off.

"At any rate, you're letting everyone with your mood."

Really? Because I don't exactly remember jumping around in a pink jumpsuit and hugging everyone while handing out cookies.

"I just said, you're looking depressed and melancholy, so you're making us worry!" Haruhi answered. How did _she_ know? My facial expression never changes. Maybe it's because she experiences many melancholic bouts.

"Well, maybe I just am a little down," I fired back.

"Then tell us!" Haruhi yelled.

"I don't feel like it-"

"Didn't I tell you that even if it's stupid, it's not good to hold things in?" Haruhi yelled.

"I'm just kidding-"

"Stop being stupid and tell us! All members of the SOS Brigade must be together at all times!"

"Fine, but you're not going to believe this," I answered. "Do any of you remember Nagato Yuki?"

They all stared, confused.

"It figures!" I answered. "Here, touch this wrapper," I handed the Chocolate Bar of Transgender Power to them. Nothing happened. I guess it only works coded to me, huh? "See? Useless."

I returned home and put the chocolate bar and the note into the bottom drawer. It was better to just forget Nagato, anyway. Bringing her back would just mean her being forced to babysit Haruhi again, and why would she want to? Maybe being deactivated would be a way of giving her peace.


	7. Okay, So I've Traveled in Time

**Guest-thank you! I promise to try my best to make the rest of the story just as good.**

**Lily White Goddess of Ice-I rarely am inspired. When I'm inspired, my writing is really good, but when I just churn words out, it's like this story (okay but not really superlative). I mostly get inspired from really good stories or concepts that interest me. Like your oneshot on Figment.**

I now slept with the Chocolate Bar of Transgender Power under my pillow. I had tried to forget Nagato, to no avail.

I tried tearing down my little sister's Chocolate sign, when a voice whispered _Nagato was the one who saved your sorry face when you were nearly killed by Asakura, who took you back from a crazy alter-dimension._

When I tried to drop the bar into the trash, the voice hissed _who helped you win the baseball match and made the computer club's videogame fair?_

When I thought of hiding the chocolate bar somewhere else or feeding it to my sister, it hissed _Nagato edited The Adventures of Asahina Mikuru at the last second, and ew, you do remember it's the Chocolate Bar of Transgender, right? Also, you'd need NAGATO to change your little sister back._

Well that's a nasty thought. I think I should name the voice. Maybe it can be my good friend Rufus the Sarcastic Pink Unicorn. I don't even know anymore...

I would lie mornings on my bed, counting the amount of days since Nagato had vanished. Rufus yelled at me for not saving her, and the scaredy cat part of me yelled at me for thinking of doing such a stupid and difficult thing.

Now all that I heard was Rufus and my scared part yelling at each other in my brain. If I had been lackadaisical in my studies before, now I could not concentrate or attempt anything. The words in my head consisted of angry voices telling me I was a coward and a traitor. I belonged in the ninth level of the Inferno.

Koizumi and Asahina-san were unusually quieter during Brigade meetings. Taniguchi seemed to be busier. Haruhi got more irritable, yelling quicker at me than usual, and not even in the mood for dressing up Asahina-san, would spend hours jogging throughout the school restlessly. _It_ was always smiling at me and it clearly thought it had won. It even started ignoring me.

Finally, after school, a smiley Koizumi came to me, his smile more obviously plastic than usual.

"Tell us what's bothering you."

"Nothing is bothering me," I answered.

Koizumi smiled kindly at me. Then, out of nowhere, he slapped me.

The sheer force sent me back, flying. I hit the ground and heard a crack from my spine, but my cheek stung hardest.

"I think you should drop the mysterious brooding routine," he said. If you didn't spend ridiculous time with him, you'd think he was smiling like the psychopaths in movies. No, he was clearly mad-furious, really. I edged back and brushed myself off.

"I'm not brooding, I'm always like this."

"Oh really?" Koizumi's smile widened, even angrier. "You seem to be. Snapping at us, always glaring at us, telling me everything at the last second, you seem like you want to pick a fight with me, and you are doing everything to annoy me."

His eyes opened and closed ruefully. We spent five minutes of angry glaring. "I apologize for slapping you...I do not like resorting to such methods...I will leave," he backed away slowly.

"No!" I grabbed his collar. Nagato's disappearance had been making me really guilty and gloomy and I was so tired of it. "I'll tell you...but some other time."

Koizumi coldly knocked my hand aside with the back of his left hand. "If you are to speak then you are to speak now."

He smiled. "Otherwise I'll just have to send you to some alternate reality where you experience me slapping you in a continuous, never ending loop."

Can you do that?

"I wouldn't ask that question if I were you."

Then, with sudden force that did not go along with his harmless pretty-boy persona, Koizumi grabbed me by the collar and started to drag me.

"H-hey!" This had used to be Haruhi's thing. I mean, the whole 'drag Kyon by his shirt across the floor like a sandbag on the dirty school floor where who knows who has left their germs and spilled goodness knows what harmful chemicals". It's not like I enjoy my life being endangered by having my body smeared across this petri dish, but you know, I thought we agreed that only one person would do that. But you know, if Nagato wants to serve me tea and cosplay and act cute, I'm not complaining and I guess I don't-Ohhhh yeah, Nagato's gone. I hate everything.

"S-s-stop!" Out of nowhere, Asahina-san appeared. Koizumi suddenly blinked and seemed to act as if he had blanked out. Asahina-san squeaked "Urmph!" and gave Koizumi a light push, nearly falling over from the effort. "Ah!" she squealed and shakily hopped over to me. "I don't like what you're doing, Koizumi, we're supposed to be the SOS Brigade and care for all members!"

Koizumi backed off, with apparent regret at having lost his cool and resorted to such methods. Asahina-san glared at him, which despite being like the adorable glare of a fluffy pink bunny with a pink bow holding a chocolate egg, was just cruel and heart-destroying. I feel sorry for those who are not loved by Asahina-san's merciful gaze.

"I w-want to know what happened too, but we need to all agree!" Asahina-san shrieked. "And yelling at Kyon-kun will n-not help!"

Koizumi sighed and, raising his hands, retreated a few steps.

"Kyon-kun, if you don't want to tell it's fine! B-but, it's h-healthier and...it's...we want you to help us...you n-need to be healthy to help us out!"

I sighed.

"I told you the same thing, dummy! Don't keep things to yourself! Rrrraaaaargh!"

"AACK!"

Out of nowhere, Haruhi appeared and pounced onto me, biting me in the neck. I fell over.

"YEEEOW! What are you, a leech? Ow-ow-let go!" she was still clamping her teeth onto my hand, jumping up and screaming like a dog.

Then, before anyone could come over and investigate, Haruhi jumped down and seized me by the legs.

"WAWAWAWAAA!" I stumbled and fell over, and with lightning speed was dragged over to the SOS Brigade club room. Koizumi quickly closed the door and dusted off his hands evilly. Asahina-san seized the teapot, shrieked and had to suck on a burned finger but stood guard in front of the locked door. In one swoop, Haruhi seized me by the collar and swung me roughly onto a chair. My legs and chest banged against the table but hung lifelessly, and I weakly tolerated the pain from the bruises.

"Alright," Haruhi stood behind me and pushed the chair in tight so I couldn't get out. She glared at me and put my head into a deadlock. I groaned and struggled, but she had my arms pinned underneath the table. "Now tell us."

"I can't!" I howled.

"Tell us!" Haruhi growled. Asahina-san's face showed signs of growing upset. We really had lost it.

"Te-e-e-e-eelll us!" Haruhi rocked the chair violently.

"No."

"Tell us!" I stared down at the table, without saying anything, duly ignoring the pain.

"I can't." Haruhi growled and shook the chair, but she collapsed exhausted against its back. Her head flopped with n energy on my shoulder and her hair sprayed into my face lifelessly. Her shoulders shook. "If you don't tell us...you'll get even worse..and we...you shouldn't worry your club," she mumbled, exhausted. She raised her fist to hit me but couldn't, and harmlessly grazed my ear. She seemed to shake and let out a sob. "I can't handle it any more," she whispered, and I truly felt guilty for something.

Okay.

We're going to tell them.

I took a deep breath.

"Haruhi," I said, "I have to talk about something very, very serious. And I promise not to run away anymore. But I don't feel safe here, and I think we should meet outside of school for this." I exhaled shakily, as the pain unfurled and exploded in my chest.

"You-"

I caught her fist without lifting my head. "I'm not running away."

Koizumi gave me a shrewd look, but Asahina-san smiled and walked over, pouring me a cup of tea and lovingly setting it down. I stared at it, my throat dry and parched, feeling too dry to drink.

"Go on, drink," Asahina-san urged.

Haruhi refused to peel herself away from the back of my chair and hung onto it. I sighed and shakily extended a hand. Asahina-san carefully slid the cup towards me and helped me to grasp it. My fingers slowly wrapped around the cup and, trembling, clutched it. I lifted a shaky arm up, spilling some hot tea on myself that burned a little, and raised the cup to my lips and drank. I coughed a little and spit the first sip out, but the next sips were a little easier and I found myself downing three cups. I pushed my chair out a little and tried to sit up, but Haruhi was still being a deadweight on it. I slowly eased her hands from their death grip around my neck. She snored and drooled a bit onto me. Haruhi slid down slowly and collapsed in a tired, worried heap, her ribbons tangled up in wild, tussled hair. I sighed and picked up the sleeping Haruhi and, nodding to Koizumi and Asahina-san, walked back to the nurse's office. Poor Haruhi. She must really have felt troubled.

"Somebody named Nagato did exist," I whispered to Koizumi and Asahina-san, "and she saved our lives several times."

* * *

><p>I coughed as we met up at my house. It, so far, had hopefully not reported anything, and neither had the Data Overmind, as they had discovered me during my bouts of desperation or the Chocolate Bar of Transgender Power (I really need to come up with a shorter name for that). I discovered that I had become a little shaky and spoke much faster since the stressful period where I was wondering whether to tell them about Nagato, but I was sure it would eventually go away. For the first time, I also noticed I was first to get to somewhere. I had half expected to see a panting Asahina-san and impatient Haruhi waiting for me on my doorstep.<p>

"Well?" Koizumi asked calmly. Asahina-san was gasping for air and fanning her red face with both hands (poor Asahina-san, but it's so cute!) and Haruhi, whose face was screwed into a look of curiosity, frustration at not knowing something, and disbelief.

"Erm.." suddenly my voice felt too weak to talk and my throat dry. I coughed and tried to moisten my mouth, but my tongue felt dry and gritty. "Erm...uhhh..."

"Well?" Haruhi asked, looking very disgruntled and uncomfortable. "Spit it out," she said grumpily.

How could I convince them of Nagato's existence without getting looks?

"Well?" Haruhi harrumphed again, crossing her arms.

Suddenly my eyes widened and I found myself seizing her by the shoulders and grabbing her towards me.

"That's it, Haruhi!" I called out. "That's it! I know now!"

"Huh-let me go!" Haruhi yelled, throwing me back with incredible strength. I might have hit the ground and broken my back, but Koizumi and Asahina-san caught me on time. I relaxed into their arms, as if a weight had been lifted from my chest.

"I got it!" I sprang up again, feeling light-hearted. Haruhi looked startled.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, suspicious.

"Haruhi," I inhaled, "do you remember something that happened at Tanabata?"

Haruhi blinked. Koizumi's smile was waning. Asahina-san's face was confused and afraid.

"John Smith! Hello! Remember?" Koizumi was frowning with concern. I was beginning to sweat. "I...uh...do you? You remember? The message! It means "I'm right here", right? For the aliens!" I spoke loudly, excitedly. "Asahina-san, you remember too, right! You took me there! Koizumi-oh..." I had just revealed that Asahina-san could travel in time. Whoops.

Just then, I really was not surprised when a small hand reached out behind all of my friends and softly but with intent to affect touched them. Their eyes slowly blinked and they crumpled over. A high-heeled pump carefully picked its way across the pile of bodies, closing eyes and whispering reasons for them to forget, forget this all. I had really expected to see It, but instead another sweet but terribly evil person stood across from me, fidgeting slightly.

"Hello, Kyon-kun," Big Asahina-san smiled complacently. "Welcome to your first predetermined event."


	8. Haruhi, You're A God

"I-"

"It's fine, Kyon-kun," Big Asahina-san said calmly. "Just be more careful this time, understood?"

I glared at her.

"Why can't I reveal it?" I glared.

"Because," Big Asahina-san spoke, "I've seen that future ahead. And it won't work. I'm sorry," she touched my arm lightly.

"Can't I?" I asked.

"All things must occur in a way that is logical for this to work out."

"Ah, so you're the new Nagato?" I asked snarkily. Her eyes showed confusion. "So, it's predetermined that I don't find Nagato?" I asked softly.

"Who is Nagato?" Big Asahina-san asked.

"Don't you transcend time and space-oh, right, Nagato did," I groaned. "You know what, just take me back to...to..." I thought.

"Never mind," Big Asahina-san brushed me off and turned away. Her beautiful, long hair swung in the breeze, and seeing her backside I almost took her for my Asahina-san. There was something missing from her, it seemed. Maybe it was her heart-she's proved to be rather Machiavellian, allowing Ashina-san and I to run into danger just so those events turn up in her future.

Hey, wait.

"So, if you don't know Nagato, maybe it's just cause I haven't found you yet," I spoke. Big Asahina-san did not answer. "Asahina-san...please, do you trust me to go back in time?"

"There is no need to think when the perfect solution is already there," she turned towards me. Wow. Big Asahina-san might have been manipulative, but she was never this cold-hearted.

"Asahina-san," I spoke, "and what do you have to say about the star-shaped mole you have?"

She twitched.

"Or how you found out about it?" Yet another twitch. "And who was it, who you revealed yourself to as a time traveller, who has put this universe back together, huh?"

I had her.

"Very well," she turned towards me a little ruffled, "what do you want?"

"I want," I tapped my foot, "to go back to the time when we went to play hide-and-seek with Arakawa."

Big Asahina-san sighed. "I can't just-" Then I reflected. What if I ended up being that clone who scared Haruhi and got us all into this mess? Um, maybe not.

"Actually, no, nevermind. I will deal with what's happened now," I decided.

"Just now?" Big Asahina-san asked.

"Yes," I answered, "trust me. Are you on my side?" She did not answer. "Well, any words of advice?"

"I decline to comment," Big Asahina-san answered, and walked off. Hmph.

"Oh, wait, one last question! Can you connect me to Data Overmind?"

Big Asahina-san sent me a reproachful look. "Time-travelers belong to an entirely different world than your Data Ovemind," she sniffed, "so no, I believe that is what somebody else is for." She pivoted smartly and sashayed away in her black high heels. That's when it dawned on me. I groaned. I heard a yawning sound and groaning and noticed Koizumi waking up.

"Did I miss anything?" he asked.

Slowly, Haruhi and Asahina-san stirred, surprised. They groaned and flopped over, Haruhi jumping into a ready-to-fight stance on all fours. "What happened?" she asked, scanning the air suspiciously. Asahina-san whimpered a little, blushed as she pulled her skirt down, and looked around at what was going on. "Hm?" Haruhi turned towards me. I cleared my throat.

"Haruhi, did you remember what we were talking about?"

Haruhi's face was blank. "I-erugh-you-"

Koizumi and Asahina-san stiffened.

Haruhi squinted.

"Haruhi," I said gently, "do you know a person named "John Smith"?"

Cue to Koizumi and Asahina-san sending me the most confused stares of the century. At this rate, I doubt even Rufus the Pink Unicorn-Pegasus could ahve astonished them even more.

_Say something, idiot._

"What are you talking about, Kyon!" Haruhi asked angrily, crossing her arms.

"John Smith who went to our school and who drew a message on Tanabata, Haruhi. I'm right here."

Haruhi's face turned pale and she fell back a step.

"Haruhi," I spoke gently, "you said if we were aliens, espers or time travelers, to step up."

"No," Haruhi stepped back again, shaking her head. "It's not true. It's not true."

I remembered Koizumi's warning if she ever learned our identities. Soon, all sorts of people would be aliens, time travelers and espers and the world would lose its common sense. I turned towards him but he shrugged and sent me an _I hope you know what you're doing and whatever gets you out of your angst stage_ look.

"I think it's time," I cleared my throat, "that we step up."

Koizumi and Asahina-san made no move. Haruhi looked around, bewildered, "You mean-what-no, this can't be-" she stumbled back, legs shaky and uncoordinated.

"It's the truth," I insisted, stepping forward.

"No! It's not! It doesn't make sense!" Haruhi panted, turning around and running away.

"Careful! She's going to create a closed space!" Koizumi warned me.

"All the better! You can demonstrate your gift!" I yelled back.

Haruhi was sprinting at full speed away from us. I struggled to catch up.

"Hold Koizumi's hands!" I yelled to a panting Asahina-san and Koizumi, who was also barely catching up. Asahina-san squeaked and struggled to keep up, gasping and squealing nervously. I saw Haruhi vanish in front of us into the air as if it had rippled. "At three we jump! One, two, three!" I hollered. "Keep on fighting, Asahina-san!" She squealed as we all shakily made a jump. We all tumbled and scraped our knees, making an awkward landing in the closed space.

I looked around as Asahina-san whimpered and panted more and Koizumi helped her up.

"We got to keep up with her!" I spoke, seeing Haruhi's back. She was still fleeing from us and hadn't noticed the emptiness and dearth of life.

"Just a moment-" Koizumi pointed at something. It was a celestial, right behind an enormous building Haruhi was running at, that she couldn't see since she was looking ahead without paying attention as she ran.

"Haruhi! Come back!" I called.

She continued to run away.

"Haruhi, trust me! I'm not lying to you!"

"It's not real!" She yelled. "You're making things up! It's all in my mind!"

She didn't notice the celestial knock the top off a tower that deafened me and shook the ground.

"Haruhi, you have to believe me!" I pleaded. "Turn around!"

"It's all a dream!" Haruhi sank down. Asahina-san clutched my arm as the celestial knocked chunks off buildings, swung and kicked them and pounded on them with its fists. Koizumi jumped into what appeared to be a bubble and zoomed off to fight the celestial. Other figures in bubbles zoomed around, careful to dart behind buildings in the dark sky, trying not to be seen.

"Haruhi, aren't we supposed to be the SOS Brigade? Isn't it our job to deal with the supernatural?" I yelled.

"No! This doesn't exist! It doesn't make sense! You can't be John Smith!" She yelled.

"I thought you wanted to be part of the supernatural! Remember the dream? You said you were having the happiest time of your life! Look behind you!" I yelled. Haruhi shook her head and crouched down, covering her head and groaning. "Haruhi, don't be stubborn. I know you can handle it. You can stop the closed space."

"I don't understand what you're trying to say!" Haruhi growled.

"You have to beleve me and I need your help."

"No!"

The celestial stomped, shaking the ground. Rubble rolled and fell. A dust cloud swept over us. Asahina-san whined louder and clutched harder onto my arm.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because! It doesn't make sense! I don't understand!" Haruhi panted. The celestial swiped at Koizumi's bubble. Koizumi dodged him nimbly, zooming side to side, but he seemed a bit tired from running after Haruhi.

"We're in a closed space-it's like a space that's separate from the normal reality. That huge thing you saw in your dream-it's a celestial. These form in closed spaces and destroy everything to maintain equilibrium."

"Why?"

"It happens whenever you get frustrated and angry," I answered.

"What?"

"And Koizumi's an esper, so he fights celestials," I explained. The celestial swiped at Koizumi. Koizumi was swatted back, and barely circled back before hitting a tower.

"I don't understand!"

"What? I traveled back in time with a friend who can travel through time to Tanabata," I answered. "I yelled 'Have fun making the world a more interesting place with John Smith!'"

"You can't have!" Haruhi argued. "Time can't be traveled through backwards!"

"No, not yet," I agreed, "but Asahina-san is from the future."

"What!"

"And you...you.." Koizumi was getting tired. The celestial was started to get hits on him and his friends. "You have powers to control reality," I decided.

"I don't believe you!"

"It's crazy, but look," I gestured at Koizumi. "He's fighting the celestials. If he and his friends don't get rid of them soon, then the closed space will become reality."

"How can that be? If I'm the one controlling it?" Haruhi demanded.

"I don't know, that's Koizumi's theory," I shrugged.

"Oh, so you guys knew! You knew!" Suddenly the celestial gained strength and smashed an entire building with a simple blow. It smacked Koizumi and three other little bubbles far far away. Koizumi hurtled towards a building and his bubble vanished, him clinging onto the balcony of an empty apartment. "You knew and you never told me! You knew and you three planned behind my back to have fun, huh? Thought how long you could keep me in the dark?" The celestial was getting larger and stronger. A few more started to form, causing immense destruction and chaos. Asahina-san buried her face into my back, shaking silently.

"We never meant to trick you, we wanted you to have a normal, happy life! To spare you being assassinated by aliens and the pain of reconstructing time! So do you believe me or not?" I yelled back.

Koizumi silently fell from the building. A few bubbles zoomed down to catch him. More appeared, struggling to fight the celestials, which were impossibly strong. Constant crumbling of buildings and debris raining down made the ground tremble and shake beneath our feet. I nearly lost my balance when Asahina-san leaned against me, rocking back and forth and whining.

"Do I believe you! Do I believe you? Do I believe you!" Haruhi yelled. The dust cloud swirled furiously, the air choked me, and I could barely mke out her features even though she stood only a few feet away in a firm, aggressive stance. "Do I trust you!" I coughed again and my eyes were watering and my tongue dry and parched, my legs shaking from the effort of standing.

Then all of a sudden, the espers united into a shower of bubbles supporting Koizumi in the middle and zoomed in on a celestial like a meteor shower, annihilating him. They began to attack other espers in this formation, as if they were all of one mind, one-by-one defeating them.

"You have to," I croaked, "please."

The espers, who obviously were furious and ticked off, destroyed the last of the celestials. The closed space was starting to vanish as the top of the dome-like world began to crumble and light poured in.

I fell down, tired of standing, and felt Asahina-san tugging me and whining "Kyon, Kyon, you have to get up now..." I seemed to fall in between consciousness and slumber in a few seconds, as I found myself mumbling "not yet, Asahina-san...not yet Asahina-san...I will, Asahina-san..." sleepily as she insisted "But you just said that, Kyon-kun, you have to get up now! You just said you would three times already!" At some point, two glowing bubbles came down and deposited a fatigued Koizumi, who with slightly shaky legs descended and seemed to be walking over to me to check me out, but I blinked and as if several seconds had gone by I was in a light-filled, normal world with Asahina-san and Koizumi shaking me awake.

Haruhi, it seemed, was crouched down with her back facing us and staring up at the sky as if she still hadn't figured it out, but was just about to discover her own astonishing powers.


End file.
